The Merriam-Webster’a dictionary website defines an achievement as a “successful result brought about by hard work.” However, the following achievements could not be classified as either being considered successful or the result of hard work, mostly since these achievements are boring.

1. “Two points” Half Life 2
Use DOG’s ball to make a basket in Eli’s scrap yard. 2 points
“I’ve got an idea,” say the brainiac developers at Valve. “Let’s make an achievement worth 2 points!”
The act of making a basket with DOG’s ball in Eli’s scrap yard can be simplistic and an interesting showcase of physics and character AI, but alas, the achievement is soured by the measly 2 points you are given as a result.
Why Valve? This would be such a neat Easter egg for gamers to enjoy, but instead we are given rotten apples by being insulted with 2 achievement points instead of giving a round number, like 5.

Bad DOG, how dare you waste my time with such a lame achievement.

2. “A little help from my Friends” Beatles Rock Band
Start a story with a four player band. 10 points
This one makes the list on the grounds that when playing a four player party game about a legendary 4 piece rock band: you should never have any less than 4 people playing. And since this is a party game, it is safe to say that one should always be playing alongside other people. So, why in the name of sweet justice would you get achievement points for playing with 4 people in a game that is meant to be played with others? This seems like an extremely empty achievement and I often wonder why it’s worth 10 points at all. Why not have an achievement for having all 4 players playing each song in the Beatles Rock Band set list on expert difficulty? Or would that seem to difficult when compared to simply starting the game with 4 people?

4 Beatles, 4 players? Way too easy of an obstacle to be considered an achievement.

3. “PROXY won’t be Happy” Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Destroy 35 droids. 15 points
I call shenanigans on this achievement since 35 innocent droids are destroyed in the process of the game to unlock it. What would R2-D2 think of you if he saw you smashing all those poor droids to bits, while you let evil stormtroopers run wild across the galaxy? Well since R2-D2 speaks in a series of beeps and whistles, I’ll just say you should be ashamed of yourself. Why not make an achievement of slaughtering the annoying gungans? Or maybe you could bull’s-eye some wamp-rats in your T-16, since that would be an achievement since they’re no bigger than two meters and a shot like that is almost impossible…

But that guy in the cloak just said those weren't the droids I was looking for...

4. “Romantic” The Darkness
Real guys stick around for their ladies. (AKA, hang out with your girlfriend as she falls asleep) 10 points
What else is there to do in an action game where you play a demon aided ex-mob goon in a city in constant danger? Why not hang out with your virtual girlfriend for a minute or two until she falls asleep…because you know, that’s everyone’s dream in a video game. While this might be true to some of our more lonely gamers out there, the achievement of hanging out with your girlfriend requires no skills to do; it simply takes a minute of your time and nothing more. So that is what games have come to: giving away achievement points for putting down the controller. Bravo Darkness video game, bravo.

Take a break from fighting the mafia and hang out with your girl: they'll understand.

5. “Suicide King” F.E.A.R.
Killed yourself 5 times. 0 points
There’s only one thing worse than getting an achievement for 2 points, and that is getting an achievement for 0 points. So not only does this achievement require a manic depressive player, but it also proves that once again: bad gamers are worthless. Either that, or someone just has some pretty bad luck with their own grenades.

Killing yourself once is an honest mistake, but five times is just plain silly.

6. “Pacifism” Geometry Wars
Survive the first 60 seconds of the game without firing. 10 points
I will hand it to whoever gets this achievement, since it is so difficult to not fire a single shot for 60 seconds during Geometry Wars, but the act itself is pretty stupid. Why put yourself through so much to prove that you can dodge a bunch of blocks for a minute? It feels so counterproductive to do this achievement since the entire game is about shooting the aforementioned blocks, and doing otherwise in the game means you would accomplish more by turning off the game, and having a nice walk outside.

Because not fighting has become an achievement in games today.